What it’s all About (Filling the inner void)

What it’s all About (Filling the inner void)

I have talked about a lot of powerful tools:  Affirmations, Saying Yes to Your Universe, Positive Thinking, Taking Responsibility, No-Lose Decisions, Choosing Love and Trust, Learning to Give and more.  The reason these are powerful tools is that they open us to a place within, which, when tapped, allows us to feel ‘fulfilled.’

This place within has been given a multitude of names, some of which are: Higher Self, Inner Self, Superconscious, Higher Conscious, and God-self.  I like the term ‘Higher Self,’ simply because it implies a transcendence of that part of us that dwells on the petty things that cause fear, hate, scarcity and all other forms of negativity.  It brings to mind a new plane of existence that has little to do with everyday upsets and struggle.

Some propose that this Higher Self is capable of a high degree of sensitivity and attunement to a harmonious flow within the universe.  It is the container of many sublime virtues-creativity, intuition, trust, love, joy, inspiration, aspiration, caring, giving-everything we, in our heart of hearts, would like to experience.

Too many of us seem to be searching for something ‘out there’ to make our lives complete.  We feel alienated, lonely and empty.  No matter what we do or have, we never feel full-filled.  This feeling of emptiness or intense loneliness is our clue that we are off course, and that we need to correct our direction.  Often we think that the correction lies in a new mate, house, car, job, or whatever. Not so.

I believe that what all of us are really searching for is this divine essence within ourselves.  When we are far from our Higher Self, we feel what Roberto Assagioli has so aptly called ‘Divine Homesickness.’  When you are feeling this sense of being lost, or off course, the thing to do to find your way home again is simply to use the tools that will align you with your Higher Self-and thus to allow the good feelings to flow once again.

You might ask, ‘Where has this Higher Self been hiding all my life?’ We often hear the expression ‘body, mind and spirit.’  It is used to define our whole being.  Modern society has been primarily concerned with body and mind.  The spirit part, which encompasses the Higher Self, has somehow gotten lost in the shuffle.  As yet, there are relatively few places that teach anything about the Higher Self.  So it is not surprising that we have focused almost totally on the intellectual and physical parts of ourselves.  In fact, many of us haven’t even been aware that we have a spiritual part.

Add to the fact that many people don’t even like the word ‘spiritual.’  They tune out the minute it is mentioned.  The reason is that they confuse ‘spiritual’ with religion and God.  For those who are not religious, the word ‘spiritual’ is a turn off.

The way I use this word will be acceptable to you whether you are religious or an atheist.  When I speak of the spiritual, I speak of the Higher Self, the place within that is loving, kind, abundant, joyful, and all those other qualities I mentioned earlier.  Believe me when I tell you that unless you consciously or unconsciously tap that spiritual part within, you will experience perpetual discontent.

It is a blissful feeling you get from all things generated by the Higher Self, which is inherently a loving space.  When you operate from the Higher Self, you feel centred and abundant-in fact, overflowing.  When you experience this abundance, your fears automatically disappear.

The Higher Self is also in operation when you create ‘miracles’ in your life-the power to lift a car of a loved one is trapped underneath or the power to accomplish a monumental task that everyone has told you is impossible.  I have often heard people say, ‘I don’t know how I did it, but I did!’  Their power came from their Higher Self.

Now that I’ve introduced you to your Higher Self, let me show you an ultrasimple model of being.  The model below is not comprehensive; it leaves out many parts of our internal and external worlds.  It does not server, however, to remind us that we can choose our experiences of life.

The Chatterbox, as you’ll remember, is the part of us that tries to drive us crazy.  It is the repository of all out negative input, from the time we were born to the present moment.  It contains our childlike ego that needs constant attention and doesn’t know how to give.  The Conscious Mind sends orders to the Subconscious Mind based on the information it gets from either the Higher Self or the Chatterbox.  We can train it to choose from either.

The Subconscious Mind is a storehouse of a huge amount of information.  It also has access to the Universal Energy.  It operates in a computer-like fashion, sorting out and finding information.  For example, when you can’t remember a name, and suddenly, when you are least expecting it, it pops up out of nowhere.  Your Subconscious Mind has been at work.  The Subconscious Mind takes its orders from the Conscious Mind.  It does not question or judge.  It does not know right from wrong or healthy from unhealthy.

As the model suggests, your mind can choose to listen to your Chatterbox blabbering away with all kinds of self-defeating negativity, or it can choose to listen to your Higher Self, which is self-affirming, loving, giving and abundant.  All of the exercises in this book are geared toward having the Conscious Mind open its door to the abundance of the Higher Self as opposed to the scarcity of the Chatterbox.

The Conscious Mind is often not aware that it is being run by the Chatterbox.  And even if there is awareness, the Conscious Mind is so used to listening to the Chatterbox that, in the course of everyday events, it ‘forgets’ to listen to the Higher Self and thus needs consistent reminding.  This is where the affirmations, positive thinking, tapes, books, sayings and whatever other tools you have come in handy-to remind your Conscious Mind that you do not have to listen to the Chatterbox any longer.

As with the Higher Self, the Chatterbox has always been there, and will always be there.  No use lamenting that fact that it pops up every once in a while!  I guarantee that it will.  You must realise that you do have a chatterbox within; and you have more, including the Higher Self.  Neither one is right or wrong.  Each simply gives you a different experience of life.

If you listen to the Chatterbox, your experience of life is fear-producing, and you stop yourself from expanding.  If you listen to the Higher Self, your experience of life is joyful and abundant and devoid of fear.  You, like everyone else, are an expert at listening to your Chatterbox.  Your task is now to become an expert at listening to your Higher Self.  Then true choice will be possible.

Why do so many positive things happen when the Conscious Mind chooses to operate from the Higher Self, and why does the reverse happen when it listens to the Chatterbox?  It seems that when the Subconscious Mind receives its orders from the Conscious Mind, it seeks to carry them out by connecting internally to the body, intellect and feelings.  Thus, when it hears ‘I am a weak and unworthy person,’ it connects to your feelings and makes you depressed and helpless.  It connects your intellect and makes you think stupidly.  It also fills you with negative energy.  When it hears ‘I am a strong and worthy person,’ it connects to your body and makes you strong.  It connects to your feelings and makes you feel confident and alive.  It connects to your intellect and makes you think clearly.  It also fills you with positive energy.

What is more, outside yourself is a Universal Energy without which the world would not exist.  In carrying out its orders, the energy of the Subconscious Mind connects to this Universal Energy, which managers to bring back exactly what you have ‘asked’ for.  If you put out ‘I am a weak and unworthy person,’ the universe obliges the Subconscious Mind and delivers all sorts of negative things.  People step on you.  You never achieve anything you want.  Everything stands in your way, and you feel powerless to move anything aside.

When you put out ‘I am a powerful and worthy person,’ the universe obliges the Subconscious Mind and delivers all sorts of positive things.  People respect your strength and treat you fairly.  You attain all sorts of wonderful things.  Nothing stands in your way as you find the means to remove any obstacles.  The key here is that just as your Subconscious Mind does not judge, neither does the Universal Energy.

Metaphysicians talk about Laws of Universal Energy.  One of these is the Law of Attraction.  You will recognise it as ‘like attracts like.’  When you send out negative energy, what will you attract? Negative Energy.  When you send out positive energy, what will you attract? Positive energy.  Perhaps this makes clearer why it is imperative to train your mind to send out only positive thoughts.

Some of you might have trouble accepting the idea of Universal Energy.  You don’t need to believe this concept in order to tap into your Higher Self.  However, when you can see yourself connected to something bigger than yourself, you no longer feel you must do it all alone.  Your sense of power becomes highly magnified, and your fears are greatly diminished.  This relates back to the Level 3 Fear:  ‘I’m afraid I can’t handle it.’  Now you can see that with the Universal Energy on your side, you can learn to trust not only yourself, but the universe as well.  This kind of dual trust ultimately signals the end of fear.

One of the tools the Subconscious Mind uses to connect you with what you are looking for is your intuition.  Those strange messages you get are the Subconscious Mind saying, ‘I’ve found it!’  Anyone who has experienced the power if intuition cannot deny that something is acting on our behalf if we listen to it.  By learning to trust your intuition, ‘miracles’ seem to happen.

Our intuition is always operating for us-usually, however, we don’t act on it.  When I started acting on thoughts that were coming through my head, amazing ‘coincidences’ began to occur.

Read Pg. 197-198 for story on Intuition.

I’m sure you have heard of even more dramatic examples of the working of the intuition-lives being saved, people getting together despite tremendous odds, and other amazing happenings.  The point is that we all have access to this intuitive power simply by starting to listen to the messages the Subconscious Mind is telling us.  I suspect it works on instructions we have given it when we are clearly unaware we are doing so.  We might have forgotten about it, but the subconscious never forgets.  In fact, it works better when we take out Conscious Mind off the issue and let it do its work without our interference.  That is why we get some of our mist inspired ideas when we are relaxing or doing something other than the task that needs a solution.

Simply start paying attention to what you are being told and then act on it.  If the mind says, ‘Call so and so,’ call them.  If it says, ‘Go here,’ go here.  If it says ‘Go there,’ go there.  In the beginning you may be confused about whether it is your intuition operating or your Chatterbox or whatever.  Just keep following the instructions, and soon you will be able to tell the difference.  I’m at the point where I act on most of these seemingly ‘stray’ thoughts that enter my mind, and I am amazed at the connections that have been made.  Books on developing the intuitive mind are available, and I recommend them.

I have begun to rely so much on my Subconscious Mind that when I am troubled by something, I simply say, ‘I ask my Subconscious Mind to find the solution for me.’  I then stop worrying and thinking about it.  Somehow, easily and effortlessly, the solution comes.  A particular effective time to do this is as you go off to sleep at night.  Simply let go and turn it over.  You’ll probably sleep much better as a result.

When you are upset, you are not letting in the abundance of the Higher Self.  If you are aligned or ‘centred’ as illustrated here, you feel yourself in a harmonious flow.

Higher Self
Conscious Mind
Sub Conscious Mind
Universal Energy

When you stay centred there is nothing to fear.  You are tapping your source of power, and everything is okay.  But how can you become centred, especially when you are upset?

If you are particularly rattled about something- let’s say about getting a job you desperately want-the anxiety begins to build.  You begin to feel that if that job isn’t offered, your world will fall apart.  The Chatterbox takes over and begins to drive you crazy, convincing you that it is the only job out there, and without it you will not survive.  The Chatterbox is pulling you off centre.  It is then that you being to use the techniques in this book.

You start to repeat your affirmations.  You begin using your Pain-to-Power Vocabulary to put it in perspective.  You put on beautiful calming music or a guided meditation tape.  You begin to tap into your source of power-that place within where you can see the world as a safe and nourishing place.  Keep remembering that it is just as realistic to think positively as negatively.  And also remember the arm experiment.  Positive self-talk works even if you don’t believe it initially.

Say to yourself:

This job is not my life.  If I do not get it, it is because it is not for my highest good.  If I am meant to have it, it will be mine.  I can relax now and turn it over to my Subconscious Mind and the universal energy out there.  All the answers I need are within me.  It is all happening perfectly.  There is nothing to fear.

While you are telling yourself these truths, work on relaxing your body.  If you continue to feed yourself these affirming words long enough, you will eventually notice a warm calm come over your body and mind and you will feel safe.  Each positive statement pulls you, like a magnet, closer to your source.  You’ve come to the place where all is safe.  You’ve let go of the outcome, and there is nothing to fear.

It may take a while in the beginning to pull back to the centre.  So find yourself a quiet space and sit there for as long as it takes to make you feel better.  Meditation music really helps get you get aligned faster.  Not only does it set the mood and block out extraneous noise, but it also eventually conditions you to relax and feel your power the minute you turn it on.

I am convinced that:  IF WE DO NOT CONSCIOUSLY AND CONSISTENTLY FOCUS ON THE SPIRITUAL PART OF OURSELVES, WE WILL NEVER EXPERIENCE THE KIND OF JOY, SATISFACTION AND CONNECTEDNESS WE ARE ALL SEEKING.

It takes practice.  When people speak of ‘being on the path’ or of life as a ‘journey,’ they are referring to the constant vigil required to train the Conscious Mind to listen to the lessons of the Higher Self, which, because of interference from the Chatterbox, elude us at times.

Contin…Pg.203 (top)

From Pain to Power

IF EVERYBODY FEELS FEAR WHEN APPROACHING SOMETHING TOTALLY NEW IN LIFE, YET SO MANY ARE OUT THERE ‘DOING IT’ DESPITE THE FEAR, THEN WE MUST CONCLUDE THAT FEAR IS NOT THE PROBLEM.

Obviously, the real issue has nothing to do with the fear itself, but, rather, how we hold the fear. For some, the fear is totally irrelevant. For others, it creates a state of paralysis. The former holder their fear from a position of power (choice, energy and action), and the latter hold it from a position of pain (helplessness, depression and paralysis).
  From this it can be seen that the secret in handling fear is to move from a position of pain to a position of power. The fact that you have the fear then becomes irrelevant.

HOW WE HOLD FEAR

Pain __________________________________ Power

Helplessness ------------------------------------- Choice
Depression ------------------------------------- Excitement
Paralysis ------------------------------------- Action

Let’s talk about the word ‘power’. Some people say that they don’t like the concept of power and want no part of it. It is true that in our world the word ‘Power’ has some negative overtones. It often implies control over others, and, unfortunately, is often misused.The kind of power I am talking about is entirely different. In fact, it makes you less manipulative of those around you, and certainly more loving. I am talking about power within the self. This means power over your perceptions of the world, power over how you react to situations in your life, power to do what is necessary for your own self-growth, power to create joy and satisfaction in your life, power to act and power to love.
  This kind of power has nothing to do with anyone else. It is not egomania, but a healthy self-love. In fact, egomaniacs have absolutely no feeling of power-thus their compelling need to control those around them. Their lack of power leaves them perpetually in a state of fear, since their survival depends on the outside world. No one is more unloving than a person who can’t own his or her own power. Such people spend their lives trying to pull it out of everyone else. Their need creates all sorts of manipulative behaviour.
  The kind of power I’m talking about leaves you free, since you don’t expect the rest of the world to fill you up. It’s not the ability to get someone else to do what you want them to do. It’s the ability to get yourself to do what you want to do. If you do not own this kind of power, you lose your sense of peace. You are in a very vulnerable place.
  A self-assured woman who is in control of her life draws like a magnet. She is so filled with positive energy that people want to be around her. Yet it is only when she has become powerful within herself, that she can become authentic and loving to those around her. The truth is that love and power go together. With no power, love is distorted.


A good antidote to any inner conflict between power and femininity is to repeat to yourself at least twenty-five times each morning, noon and night:


AFFIRMATION
I AM POWERFUL AND I AM LOVED
I AM POWERFUL AND I AM LOVING

An energising variation is:
I AM POWERFUL AND I LOVE IT!

Now that I’ve explained the kind of power I’m talking about, let’s explore how to use the Pain-to-Power concept in daily life.

The first step is to create a Pain-to-Power Chart, as follows:


PAIN-TO-POWER CHART


Pain---->---->---->---->---->---->---->----Power


As we look at the Pain-to-Power continuum, most of us can place ourselves somewhere in the middle of the chart. We’re not totally incapacitated by our fears, but we’re not exactly feeling a great sense of power and excitement, nor are we quickly sprinting to our goals. We seem to be taking the arduous route over the mountain carrying town suitcases and a watermelon rather than flying on the wings of eagles. As another ancient sage once said, ‘The pathway is smooth. Why do you throw rocks before you?’
  Using the Pain-to-Power Chart as a frame of reference, you can begin to clear the rocks in front of you. The following steps will help in the clearing process:

1. Draw an enlargement of the Pain-to-Power Chart and place it on your wall. Just the simple act of making the enlargement will make you feel a little more powerful. You are already taking action! Remember that much of the trick of moving from pain to power is taking action. ACTION IS VERY POWERFUL! Once the chart is on your wall is will serve as a constant reminder of where you want to go in life-from pain to power. Awareness is half the battle. Having the chart physically present will also help you motivate yourself to keep moving in the right direction.
2. Just to keep you from taking yourself too seriously, you might want to write somewhere on your chart ‘Angels fly because they take themselves lightly.’ I heard this a long time ago, and it still makes me smile. It constantly reminds me that you can drop an awful lot of excess baggage if you learn to play with life instead of fight it.
3. Put a pin at the place on the chart where you see yourself situated at this moment in your life. Are you in the middle, where you sometimes feel depressed and paralysed and other times feel more in control? Or do you definitely find yourself on the far left side, where there is little you are able to do to pull yourself out of the rut? Or perhaps you are already on the right side, where most of the time you feel you are really moving ahead with your life, with only a few areas that need to be worked on. I doubt that anyone reading this book has reached their goal of attaining absolute power over the self. Even the Buddhas have their day! There are always new experiences that challenge a sense of personal power.
4. Each day look at the chart and ask yourself, ‘Do I see myself at the same place, or have I moved?’ Move the pin accordingly.
5. If you keep in mind the direction you want to go, it will help you make decisions about what you are doing in your life. Before you take any action in life, ask yourself: ‘Is this action moving me to a more powerful place?’ If it isn’t, you will think twice about doing it. A word of caution: If you go ahead anyway, knowing the action will keep you in a position of pain, don’t get angry with yourself about it. Just notice where you are not taking responsibility. The next time, you can make a different decision. Use your ‘mistakes’ as learning experiences. Remember that each time you get angry at yourself for an action you have taken, you keep yourself on the side of pain.
6. Make your use of the chart fun. Having it as a game keeps you light about the situation. If you have children, they can create their own charts, and you can make a family game out of the experience of growing.
7. You might want to make different charts for different areas of your life. To be really powerful, you need to be in charge of all aspects of your life-work, relationships, environment, body, and so on. Often people are very powerful in some parts of their lives and pathetic in others. For example, I am very powerful in terms of my career, but need to work on the area of exercise.
     Note that your movement on the chart is determined only by your own intuitive sense of how you are progressing in gaining more power in your life. No one else can judge that, though they may try. Although your life may look exactly the same to the outside world, it is your own sense of internal peace and growth that determines where you are on the chart. It is, totally, a feeling within.
     You may wonder if you really need to go to such lengths to get yourself moving. Trust me-you do! In the beginning, you need all the gimmicks you can get to remind you of where you want to go. You don’t become powerful without concentrating on power. As you must have figured out by now, simply knowing what to do does not mean that you do it, or, for that matter, even remember it.
     To help you on your pain-to-power path, it’s very important that you being to develop a Pain-to-Power Vocabulary. The way you use the words has a tremendous impact on the quality of your life. Certain words are destructive; others are empowering. Choose to move to a Pain-to-Power Vocabulary as follows:

PAIN-TO-POWER VOCABULARY


Pain---->---->---->---->---->---->---->----Power
________________________________________
I can’t ---------------------------------------- I won’t
I should -------------------------------------- I could
It’s not my fault ---------------------------- I’m totally responsible
It’s a problem ------------------------------- It’s an opportunity
I’m never satisfied ------------------------- I want to learn and grow
Life’s a struggle ---------------------------- Life’s an adventure
I hope --------------------------------------- I know
If only --------------------------------------- Next time
What will I do? ------------------------------ I know I can handle it
It’s terrible ---------------------------------- It’s a learning experience


‘I can’t’ implies you have no control over your life, whereas ‘I won’t’ puts a situation in the realm of choice. From this moment on, strike ‘I can’t’ from your vocabulary. When you give your subconscious the message ‘I can’t,’ your subconscious really believes you and registers on its computer: WEAK…WEAK…WEAK. Your subconscious believes only what is hears, not what is true. You might be saying ‘I can’t’ simply to get out of a dinner invitation-such as, ‘I can’t come to dinner tonight. I have to prepare for tomorrow’s meeting,’ but your subconscious is registering, ‘He’s weak!’ In fact, ‘I can’t come to dinner’ is an untruth. The truth is ‘I can come to dinner, but I am choosing to do something that has a higher priority at the moment.’ But the subconscious can’t discern the difference and is registering ‘weak.’
  Although you may want to be more delicate to your host than to utter the above statement, you can still stay away from the words ‘I can’t.’ ‘I’d love to come to dinner, but I have a meeting tomorrow that’s important to me. I’ll feel better walking in totally prepared. So I’ll pass for tonight and hope you’ll invite me again.’ That statement has truth, integrity and power. The subconscious hears you stating your priorities with clarity and choosing the outcome that serves your own growth. Choosing this way doesn’t leave you the helpless victim of your meeting.

Beginner’s Intensive for Positive Thinking

1. As you begin to awaken, turn on your MP3 and listen to one side of the tape that you have chosen the night before. Most of the inspirational messages last 20-30 minutes. Lie with your eyes closed and let the soothing, loving messages sink in. You have to admit this certainly beats lying there thinking about how you don’t want to get up and face all the ‘lousy’ things you have to do all day.
2. As you get out of bed, pay attention to the positive quotes you’ve surrounded yourself with-on the wall, your bed table, your mirror, and so on. You might want to chuckle a bit at what it takes for the human race to make itself feel good.
3. Put some calming music into your MP3 player. Some suggested tapes are listed in the back of the book.
4. As you dress, with the mnusic in the background, begin to repeat the affirmations you have chosen for the day. One of the best places to repeat your affirmations is in front of the mirror. Repeat your affirmation or affirmations for at least ten minutes. As you are dressing, your negative voice will try to being its chatter routine. It requires vigilance to notice it’s there. It sneaks in so quietly. As soon as you are aware of it, begin replacing this negativity with your affirmations. Don’t let the little voice take over. Outtalk your Chatterbox! I promise you that with practice that negative voice will be the rarity and the positive voice the norm. Just believe that constant repetition will do the trick eventually.
   
   NOTE: In the beginning, it’s important that you do not turn on the television or radio and listen to eh news, if that is your habit. The presentation is overwhelmingly negative. For the time being, let your chosen positive voice be the only news that you hear as you prepare for the happenings of the day. If it is your habit to read the newspaper as you eat breakfast, avoid the horror stories on the front pages , and concentrate on the encouraging aticles, or read one of your self-help books.
   
   While teaching a fear class in New York, as an experiment I instructed my students to stay away from the news entirely. They were surprised at the positive difference it made in their lives. Instead of talking with friends about how miserable the world situation was, they began sharing the positive ideas learned from self-help books, and their conversations became more animated and exciting.
   
   Once you’ve acquired the positive thinking habit, you can resume reading the entire paper and listening to the news. You may find you have developed a more constructive approach to the media, seeing in ‘bad news’ opportunities to being taking responsibility for yourself and your community. I advise you, however, not to make the news the start or end of your day. Somewhere in between will do, when you have time to outtalk any negative feelings that have accrued.
5. If you exercise daily, that is an opportune time to pump in your positive thinking. Affirations such as, ‘I can feel the energy coursing through my body’ and ‘Every day I am getting stronger and stronger’ will make your exercise routine far more effective.
6. Breakfast is over and it is now time to get yourself to work. If you drive, you are lucky. I live in Los Angeles and I often hear people lamenting about the time they have to spend in their automobiles. Not me! I have made my car my ‘temple of learning’ and I can ‘t wait to get into it. As soon as I turn on the motor, I turn on one of my tapes. I listen to either motivational or inspirational messages or stirring music, such as the movie score for Jonathan Livingston Seagull, Rocky or Chariots of Fire. This is time that some people see as wasted and I see as immensely productive. Without my car trip, I lose out on a lot of listening time.
   
   NOTE: DO not use your relaxation or meditation tapes in the car, for obvious reasons.
   
   Although some people who walk to work use a Walkman, I do not suggest this, because the volume has to be turned up too high, to compensate for the noise of the traffic. This is not great for your hearing! But if you are walking on quiet streets, then it is not a problem, but an opportunity to pump in good thoughts instead of destructive ones.
   
   If you work in your home, you are in luck, because you can play your positive messages all day as you do your chores and run errands. And if you have small children at home, think about the positive impact these will have on their young and impressionable minds.
7. As you walk into your office, be aware of the positive messages you have already placed there. Again, chuckle to yourself. It helps you to lighten up about everything!
8. Open up your dairy and write your daily affirmations. Every time you refer to your dairy, say the affirmation over and over again. You might want to write them on some cards as well, to place on your desk or in your wallet or any place where you will be forced to see them.
9. Unless you are a total masochist, you will want to maintain the high energy and fearless state you plugged into with your early-morning ritual. As daily pressures and doubts begin to seep in, simply give yourself a ‘fix’ of positive energy. All you have to do is repeat your affirmations over and over again until you feel your strength and optimism return. Your Chatterbox will also be trying to enter your consciousness all day; remember to outtalk it. Keep these positive fixes going day and night.
10. Before you go to sleep, put a relaxing tape into your recorder and let in the soothing messages. There are tapes available that guide you through a visualization that helps you acknowledge all the wonderful things you did all day and lets you feel that it’s okay if you didn’t get around to everything you wanted to fo. It’s wonderful to go to bed loving yourself. These ‘caring’ tapes serve you much better than your Chatterbox, which tries to convince you that you’re imperfect. Drift off to blissful sleep with the recorderplaying. Most recorders switch off automatically when the tape ends.
    
    Please believe me when I tell you that if you commit yourself to such a program your whole world will turn around. Positive thinking changes everything in your life. Without your negative Chatterbox, you will wonder what you were always so afraid of before. You will have energy you never thought possible. You will laugh a lot more and love al lot more. You will draw more and more positive people into your life. You will be healthier physically. You will be happy to be alive.
    
    In a short period of time (you’ll know when you are ready), you can ease up a bit and begin a maintenance program. Give yourself at least one month, however, before you cut back. If on some days you were not as diligent as you would have liked don’t let your Chatterbox scold you. I can just hear it in there saying, ‘See, you can’t even follow a simple program like this. You’ll never feel good. You’re hopeless.’ Just keep remembering that its only your Chatterbox speaking, and you can outtalk it. ‘I’m doing it all perfectly!’ is a wonderful affirmation when the Chatterbox tries to tell you you’ve goofed.
    
    I can’t stress enough that positive thinking needs daily practice. I've been practicing it for years and still spend some time each day focusing on the elimination of negativity from my thinking. If I stop completely, as I have on occasion, I know my good feelings will slowly deminish. Thank goodness, it is easy to get into the swing of it again simply by following the program. I always ask myself then, 'Why do I stop doing something that makes me feel so good?!'
    
    One more thought about positive thinking: It is important that you don't use it as an excuse for denial. We beginto feel so good that it's tempting to not let in any of the doom and gloom that exists in the world. Remember: POSISTIVE THINKING IN ITS MOST CONSTRUCTIVE FORM DOES NOT DENY THE PAIN AND SUFFERING THAT EXIST IN THIS WORLD.
    
    There are many issues that need handling. To deny that they exist is folloy. Starvation exists, Racism exists. Threat of nuclear war exists. Environmental waste that threatens the planet exists. There are many other problems. We all need to be involved!. And we have to approach our involvement with the positiveness that something something can be done, even if the answer is not readily seen. Denial creates inactivity... and so does hopelessness.
    
    No one is immune to pain, and it shouldn't be denied when it exists. The key is to know that you can lead a productive and meaningful life no matter what the external circumstances are. What positive thinking does is offer a power boost to help you handle whatever life gives you. Your 'bad breaks' do not dominate your life; your indomitable strenght does. And when you feel that indomitable strenght, you really can handle any of your fears from a position of power-the kind of power that really can make things happen.

Centering Techniques: To bring yourself back to a place of Balanace and Harmony

Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway. Pgs 77-86.

So here you are, a blob of negativity. How do you even begin to turn around those miserable thoughts that take away your power? You being by doing the same thing you would do if your body was out of shape. You create an exercise program-in this case, to retrain your mind. To do so, you must take action.

Before giving you a suggest action plan, I recommend the following six tools to make your routine more efficient and certainly more pleasureable:

1. An iPod or MP3 player.
2. Inspirational tapes. Some a listed in the back of this book. If you don't have a local store offering these or similar tapes, send away to the companies listed for their catalogs. Once you realise the benefits you'll recieved from these taped messages, you will take joy in building an extensive tape library.
3. Inspiration books. Library books are not recommended, since you will want to write in the books and reread them over and over again. You will want to 'own' these books in every sense of the word. My own library is growing so fast that I keep having to add new bookshelves. But whats an incredible support system to have ready at all times! You might feel that buying these and the other things will be a costly proposition-you're right. Yet I can't think of a better investment to make. If money is a problem, start slowly. I have friends who trade tapes and books to keep costs down.
   
   The important thing is: BEGIN!
4. Index Cards
5. Positive quotes. Find those that really touch you in some way. Some very effective quotes for me are:
   
   'Ships in harbor are safe, but thats not wat ships are built for.' - John Shedd
   'The best way out is always through.'-Helen Keller
   'I'm not a failure if I don't make it... I;'m a succedss because I tried.' - Unknown
   'Considering how dangerous everything is, nothing is really very frightening.' - Gertrude Stein
   
   And how about:
   
   'Fell the Fear...And Do It Anyway'
   
   Write each quote on an individual index card. Then put them all over the place-on your mirrors, your desk, the refridgeratior door, in your car, your diary, and so on. You may want to put one quote that really ‘speaks’ to your on many cards, so that wherever you tuirn, its there as a reminder.
   
   If you are artistic, make a decorative poster wioth your quotes to hang on the wall. Or buy one of those wonderful posters with inspirational sayings on them and use it to decorate yout wall.
   
   You will find your quotes will change often as you move ahead in your life. Different ideas are meaning ful at different times. Just keep changing the quotes. Be creative; try to bring some lightness to the task. As humourist Jan Marshall said, ‘Not a shred of evidence esits that life is serious!’ Go overboard and be outrageous until friends ask you whats going on. Really have fun with this.
6. Affirmations. An affirmation is self-talk in its highest form. Remember the power of self-talk in the arm experiment? Affirmations are your greatest tool, and the easiest and cheapest to use.
   
   What exactly is an affirmation? An affirmation is a positive statement that something is already happening. Its not happening tomorrow or in the future, but right now. Here are a few:
   
   I am breaking through old patterns and moving forward with my life.
   I am now creating the perfect relationship.
   I am finding the perfect job.
   I am now handling all my fear.
   I am creating everything I want, easily and effortlessly.
   My world is filled with abundance.
   I am now creating a healthy radiant body.
   I am filling my life with peace and joy.
   I allow my mind to relax and let go.
   
   These are just a few to get you started.
   
   There are some things to remember about affirmations:
   
   Always state affirmations in the present.
   Wrong: I will handle my fears.
   Right: I am now handling my fears.
   
   Always phrase affirmations in the positive, rather than the negative:
   Wrong: I am no longer putting myself down.
   Right: I am becoming more confident every day.
   
   Select affirmations that feel right to you at any given time.  What feels right changes as your situation and mood changes.
   
   Now what do you do with all of these tools? I will illustrate by going through a typical day, putting these positive thinking tools to use. The whole point of the program can be summed up in three words: OUTTALK YOUR NEGATIVITY. And, as you probably already know, this is a challenge.
   
   That internal Chatterbox has incredible staying power. It will resist in everyway it can in order to maintain its power over you. Once you have that little voice under control, you’ve got it made. At that point, positive thinking will become more automatic, so that just a few daily reminders will suffice to keep you uplifted. But in the beginning it’s got to be full speed ahead! So let’s go through your first day of outtalking your Chatterbox.

Whole Life With Relationship

Contribution                                      Hobby
Leisure                                              Family
Alone Time                                       Personal Growth
Work                                                 Relationship
Friends

One area of the gird that needs some explanation: the area of CONTRIBUTION. This is the area that allows you to make your own special differences in the world. Contribution is discussed in a later chapter; for now, simply note that it is from the area of Contribution that much of your self-esteem and satisfaction in life can come. TO know that you can make a difference in this world means that you are not helpless, that you are a meaningful force in the world.

It is important that you don’t think of contribution in such grand terms as those of Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Jr., or Albert Einstein. Contribution in the way that I am using it means beginning exactly where you are, looking around, seeing what needs to be done, and doing it. This could relate to your family, your friends, your community, your country, the world. There is not a person alive who is not capable of greatly contributing to the well-being of this planet. Just changing your attitude can affect the world around you.

Now that you understand the concept of the grid and recognise its importance in reducing many of your fears regarding relationship, job, children, and so on, you are ready to take steps to incorporate this powerful tool into your daily life. Here are the steps.

1. Simply recognise that you might be caught in a vicious circle. If you look carefully at your past, you will probably notice that every time negative feelings associated with loss came up, you took the very same pathway to try to relieve the discomfort: You tried to re-create that which you had lost.

For example, what’s the first thing many of us do when we are devastated by the loss of a loved one? We simply substitute heads. And when the next love of our life leaves, we experience the same feeling of devastation (which is amazing, since we’ve only known this lover for three weeks). Then what do we do? It’s not hard to guess-we go out and find another ‘one and only’ without whom we would simply die!

If this or a similar pattern sounds familiar, it is important not to make a big thing out of it. Just recognise that up until now you simply did not have an appropriate framework within which to create a healthier way to act. The mere fact that you acknowledge the possibility of another way is enough to get you to the next step.

2. Create your own Whole Life Grid. Begin be making a nine-boxed square like above.  Take some time to think about what components you would like to include in your life and begin filling in the boxes. I am a great believer in setting the stage whenever I begin any kind of introspection, so I recommend that you buy some meditative music and put it on as background while you are filling in the boxes. Make sure you are alone and that the phone is turned off.

3. After you have filled in your grid, pick one of the boxes to work on. Shut your eyes and visualise what you would like that part of your life to look like. What would you be doing? How would you be interacting with the people around you? How would you feel? Remember the two key ingredients: 100% commitment and acting as if you count. Let’s call them the MAGIC DUO, for that’s exactly what they create in your life-magic.

4. When you get a clear picture, take a blank piece of paper and begin writing down what your mind created for you, paying attention to all the details. This will help you with Step 5.

5. List the many things that would have to be done in order to make your visualisation become reality. Again, take time to think through this carefully, I cannot repeat too frequently:

ACTION IS THE KEY TO YOUR SUCCESS

You have to do something to make your real life match your visualisation. So your actions are critical.

Let’s see how this might actually work. If you had picked the area PERSONAL GROWTH, you might see yourself taking classes and workshops, reading books and attending lectures. In your visualisation, the Magic Duo assures that you will approach all of this with a will that keeps you focused, and also assures your active participation at all times.

If you are in a workshop, you might see yourself interacting with the other students, doing all the homework, whether it is a credit course or not, happily anticipating the next class and really happy that you have chosen to be there.

By the way, when you take this concept into the real world, old habits will emerge-that’s a given! Thus, when you are actually at a workshop, you might suddenly be overcome by the wish that you were with him. In the beginning, your mind will definitely, without a question, want to pull you out of your commitment, and it will take your constant vigilance to control the wandering. Eventually you will be able to make your mind focus on the matter at hand and take in what is happening around you. And then guess what hap[pens! The neediness begins to disappear. The problem with needy people is that they can’t take in anything around them. Then they wonder why they are starving emotionally.

What about the area of FRIENDS? What would that look like? Here, you might see yourself inviting then over for dinner, creating a terrific evening out, writing them letters of appreciation, or simply calling them and telling them you were thinking about them. In the real world, when with your friends you will probably wish you were with your one-and-only. This is the time to call in the Magic Duo. Begin by focusing on your commitment to be a wonderful friend, ‘acting as if’ you truly make a difference in their lives. From that mental place, you will begin to find much pleasure and fulfilment.

Let’s look at the area of LEISURE. This one stumps a lot of my students, and I admit it is an area I must work on daily. Many of us tend to be achievement-oriented and get anxious when taking time to relax and enjoy ourselves. It seems to be okay when you’re relaxing with your mate or friends, but when on your own, you feel you should be accomplishing something. Again, the way to release this anxiety is to call upon the Magic Duo. By committing yourself 100% to your relaxation and ‘acting as if’ your well-being counts, you can enjoy taking some time alone for yourself.

To help myself out, I’ve created the concept of the holi-hour, a shortened version of the holi-day. I allow myself at least an hour each day to relax totally. It could mean reading magazines, taking a ride to the beach, or shopping in my favourite mall. This helps greatly in keeping me refreshed in my work. Very often I get some of my best ideas during leisure time, when my mind is not so cluttered.

6. Do steps 3, 4 and 5 for every area of your grid. You will be amazed at what beautiful life beings to emerge-so rich, full, loving and giving. It is important to keep in mind that whatever you create in your grid can become a reality-if you are committed to taking the necessary action.

7. Each day, create for yourself daily goals that reflect all the boxes in your grid. If you are already a diligent daily goal setter, you will probably notice that your goals are focused in only one area of your life-most likely WORK. By setting goals for all areas of your grid, your life will become balanced.

As you approach each goal, bear in mind the Magic Duo-100% commitment and I count-to help your focus and achieve a sense of fulfilment.

You may not be able to cover every area of your grid every day. Naturally, there will be times in your life when one area takes precedence. For example, when on vacation you can forget about other areas of the grid. Just concentrate on having a good time. The Magic Duo will ensure that you take it all in. In the same manner, an important work project may require you undivided attention for a time. What you are ultimately looking for is overall balance.

If you don’t feel like taking the time or making the effort to do these steps, you will be greatly short-changing yourself. Isn’t your life worth it? I recently brought a word processor and spent an entire week learning the basics. What I’m asking you to do is take the time to set up the basic structure of your life, so you can then go on living in a way that supports your growth and satisfaction. As Janet, one of my students, so aptly put it, ‘If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.’ This thought certainly server to get her moving!

If you find it difficult to motivate yourself, don’t put yourself down. Find a self-help group to act as a catalyst. If you can’t find a support group, find what I call a ‘growth buddy.’ You and your buddy can help each other by meeting weekly and working on the grid, your goals, your action plan, or whatever. Committing yourself to do certain homework before each meeting often spurs you on to action. The key is to take your commitment to your buddy seriously and act responsibly during the week by getting everything done that you commit yuourself to do

If you can’t find a self-help group and do not want to work with a growth buddy, find a group conducted by a professional. I run groups whose main purpose is to encourage participants to define what they want in life, and then take the actions necessary to support these goals. It is amazing how quickly results materialise when you know what you want and are determined to get it. Most people never take the time to focus on what they want-then they wonder why they always feel empty.

Keep asking yourself, ‘How Whole is my life?’ Continue to create such richness for yourself that nothing can ever take away your basic sense of completeness. Can you imagine how little you would then have to fear?